When I was an (apparently) angst-ridden teenager …

… I used to write poetry. Sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes just really arb! I flipped through my book, which I started in 1997 when I was just 15 … and enjoyed remembering what I was thinking or doing or experiencing at the time 🙂

So … here are some of them for you to read if you want. I was going to retype them but felt that the handwritten versions, sometimes with illustrations (and possible spelling errors) were more fun to look at. Bear in mind that I was listening to a lot of Alanis Morissette at the time … so I was FULL of angst, it seems 🙂



What a Day! – 13 August 1998 

A beautiful cliff that drops into a deathly abyss

is like the day I dread and would give anything to miss.

It’s like a trap – inevitably there.

To ruin a span of days of sun with a flashing, blinding glare.

Wondering what in the world I have done

to deserve such an awful day, containing events that must be the most

horrific, nightmarish array.

Oh please do come, day of hope … when the sun decides to shine

and remove the cloud which is above this weary head of mine. 

Soul Set Free – 19 September 2008

Dreams slowly set unfold and whispers afloat, 

Reminiscing goodnight a romantic old note. 

The kiss of an angel lets blood run at rest

Like a breeze of relief sighs a weary sad chest. 

The gold dancing flame sends warm loving heat

to comfort the once cold anxious feet.

Poetic black ink, soul words given start, 

for hope has a place in a young lover’s heart.

Last breath before waking, long forgotten old woes. 

Misery goes wandering and tired eyes close. 

Yesterday, Today … tomorrow! – 1 November 1998

Its like a flood of days I barely knew that screamed by like a gale force wind

and now I’m sitting here contemplating my future, which I rarely comprehend. 

Eleven whole months since that turning point when I thought, hey what a great year!

I’ll enjoy it all and make the most of it but deadlines and finish lines draw near. 

Not in a million years would I ever have dreamed that I’d be here now in this present day. 

But it is today, and I am here and my accomplishments are in array. 

So without further adieu I’ll face all the facts and consider what to do and what not … 

From now on I’ve got to take some charge of my life and it’s hazardous plot. 

What will I achieve? What will I become? Will I do what I have stored in mind? 

My goals and my dreams are all laid ahead, now the courage only I must find. 

Yesterday I didn’t have time to wonder about all the things I have dreamts, 

but if I don’t do it now I never will and they’ll die and rot in ferment. 

Don’t call me paranoid cause I know that I’m not, I’m just saying what others think. 

For on the abyss of days new for dawning, sits my life on the edge … on the brink. 

Nicki (By Ilona) – November 1998

Shall I compare thee to a mad racoon? 

Thou art more demented and more loopy!

Never did I ever see such a loon … 

I believe your sell-by date is droopy. 

Oh Nicola, you are such a wally. 

The people stop and proclaim “Oh golly!”

“A fruitcake like this – I hope there’s no more!”

Look to the sky, there must be an answer. 

A cure for Nix? Now that’s something tricky. 

How can we cure the mad raccoon prancer?  

We’ll never succeed, coz Nicky’s just Nicky!

For Now They’re Just Stars – 7 December 1998

It’s such a perfect feeling; lying and staring … wondering why

these burning beings hover there, in a limitless, boundary-less sky. 

Looking deeper into the abyss with penetrating eyes that flicker. 

Burning flames, an imminent armageddon – merciless, they approach quicker.

Peaceful is what they seem to appear, but it’s a lie they tell without a qualm.

We sit, unaware of danger approaching … for now we’re oblivious and calm.

They seem to be mere shining lights: hypnotic, still and mild.

But one day, in utter unexpectancy – our world will be shattered, frightening and wild.

The moment all comes to a stop … we will be ignorant of our end.

But for this one second I’m blissful … they’re bright stars, is all I comprehend.

Courage – 10 May 1999

Raging blindly through a horrific storm, this brave vessel sails onward. 

Through toiling oceans and death-defying waves, she pushes forward … undaunted. 

Though lightening may strike her mast and bring her means of movement down, 

her determination is only concentrated on reaching her ever-further dock. 

Just as she thinks her meagre attempts are in vain, the destination appears like gold on the horizon. 

She knows that it is a reachable dream … and she sails in calmly as if the journey was simple. 


It seems I was quite fond of the word “abyss” … 

That’s it … we’ll be painting Luca’s room this weekend so will update on that next week. 

(Oh, I did retype them in the end … couldn’t work out how to use the scanner)


2 thoughts on “When I was an (apparently) angst-ridden teenager …

  1. Nicola, these are truely great word from you I love and miss you loads
    Your loving Father always

  2. Pingback: The words that got away … « Life with Luca

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