… I used to write poetry. Sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes just really arb! I flipped through my book, which I started in 1997 when I was just 15 … and enjoyed remembering what I was thinking or doing or experiencing at the time 🙂
So … here are some of them for you to read if you want. I was going to retype them but felt that the handwritten versions, sometimes with illustrations (and possible spelling errors) were more fun to look at. Bear in mind that I was listening to a lot of Alanis Morissette at the time … so I was FULL of angst, it seems 🙂
What a Day! – 13 August 1998
A beautiful cliff that drops into a deathly abyss
is like the day I dread and would give anything to miss.
It’s like a trap – inevitably there.
To ruin a span of days of sun with a flashing, blinding glare.
Wondering what in the world I have done
to deserve such an awful day, containing events that must be the most
horrific, nightmarish array.
Oh please do come, day of hope … when the sun decides to shine
and remove the cloud which is above this weary head of mine.
Soul Set Free – 19 September 2008
Dreams slowly set unfold and whispers afloat,
Reminiscing goodnight a romantic old note.
The kiss of an angel lets blood run at rest
Like a breeze of relief sighs a weary sad chest.
The gold dancing flame sends warm loving heat
to comfort the once cold anxious feet.
Poetic black ink, soul words given start,
for hope has a place in a young lover’s heart.
Last breath before waking, long forgotten old woes.
Misery goes wandering and tired eyes close.
Yesterday, Today … tomorrow! – 1 November 1998
Its like a flood of days I barely knew that screamed by like a gale force wind
and now I’m sitting here contemplating my future, which I rarely comprehend.
Eleven whole months since that turning point when I thought, hey what a great year!
I’ll enjoy it all and make the most of it but deadlines and finish lines draw near.
Not in a million years would I ever have dreamed that I’d be here now in this present day.
But it is today, and I am here and my accomplishments are in array.
So without further adieu I’ll face all the facts and consider what to do and what not …
From now on I’ve got to take some charge of my life and it’s hazardous plot.
What will I achieve? What will I become? Will I do what I have stored in mind?
My goals and my dreams are all laid ahead, now the courage only I must find.
Yesterday I didn’t have time to wonder about all the things I have dreamts,
but if I don’t do it now I never will and they’ll die and rot in ferment.
Don’t call me paranoid cause I know that I’m not, I’m just saying what others think.
For on the abyss of days new for dawning, sits my life on the edge … on the brink.
Nicki (By Ilona) – November 1998
Shall I compare thee to a mad racoon?
Thou art more demented and more loopy!
Never did I ever see such a loon …
I believe your sell-by date is droopy.
Oh Nicola, you are such a wally.
The people stop and proclaim “Oh golly!”
“A fruitcake like this – I hope there’s no more!”
Look to the sky, there must be an answer.
A cure for Nix? Now that’s something tricky.
How can we cure the mad raccoon prancer?
We’ll never succeed, coz Nicky’s just Nicky!
For Now They’re Just Stars – 7 December 1998
It’s such a perfect feeling; lying and staring … wondering why
these burning beings hover there, in a limitless, boundary-less sky.
Looking deeper into the abyss with penetrating eyes that flicker.
Burning flames, an imminent armageddon – merciless, they approach quicker.
Peaceful is what they seem to appear, but it’s a lie they tell without a qualm.
We sit, unaware of danger approaching … for now we’re oblivious and calm.
They seem to be mere shining lights: hypnotic, still and mild.
But one day, in utter unexpectancy – our world will be shattered, frightening and wild.
The moment all comes to a stop … we will be ignorant of our end.
But for this one second I’m blissful … they’re bright stars, is all I comprehend.
Courage – 10 May 1999
Raging blindly through a horrific storm, this brave vessel sails onward.
Through toiling oceans and death-defying waves, she pushes forward … undaunted.
Though lightening may strike her mast and bring her means of movement down,
her determination is only concentrated on reaching her ever-further dock.
Just as she thinks her meagre attempts are in vain, the destination appears like gold on the horizon.
She knows that it is a reachable dream … and she sails in calmly as if the journey was simple.
It seems I was quite fond of the word “abyss” …
That’s it … we’ll be painting Luca’s room this weekend so will update on that next week.
(Oh, I did retype them in the end … couldn’t work out how to use the scanner)