For the first time in over 8 years I feel different about today.
I still have a lump in my throat and a feel that pit in my stomach, but I know that it’s all going to be okay. Luca has managed, without even having arrived yet, to save me from something that has torn me apart every year since I lost my own Mum. His little body, inside my belly, has filled a space in my heart that has been empty and alone for so very long. I know that my Mum, wherever she may be, is watching me now. She is watching these tears roll down my cheeks and catching them as they fall and she knows that her little grandson has some part of her in him and he will make the days brighter and the love stronger.
Not only did I lose my Mum, but we lost David’s Mum, Sally, a few years ago too to cancer. It was a tough couple of months, watching her slowly fade away as this terrible disease ate her up. It was also a very different loss to my Mum as I saw her (Sally) slip away. It made us all feel out of control in our lives, but as a family we pulled together and made it through. What a woman she was. What an amazingly tough, no nonsense and inspirational woman. I am quite sure that, had she been around still, she would have been one of the most dedicated Grannies in the world! I know that Sally is looking down on me too this morning, willing me not to cry, but to savour in the fact that in just over two weeks, I am going to feel the love and devotion to my son that she felt for her two wonderful boys.
To the other “mums” in my life: Annie, Brige, Kath, Debbie Crouch and my Gran (who is about to become a great-gran!) – HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY! You have all played unimaginably amazing roles in my life and always will do.
To the other “new” mums and “mums-to-be”, Chantelle, Claire, Dianne, Yolande, Leanne, Kerri, Mandy, Welna, Jaime, Angela (I’m sure I’m forgetting some but we can chalk it down to porridge brain!): I hope that you’re all loving your first Mothers’ Day and that your pregnancies are full of all the emotions and excitement that mine has been! You are all wonderful women and are going to be even more wonderful mothers!
My amazingly supportive and loving best friends: Stacey, Aviva, Chantelle, Lili and Murray … words cannot explain how much I love you all and how appreciative I am for when you have all, in one way or another, helped me through the days when I miss my Mum the most.
My best friend, my “person”, my guide, my love … my husband. Baby Shoes, I love you with all of my heart and now not only do I have the honour of being your wife, but also the mother of your child. We are going to be amazing parents and our Mums will always be in our hearts … I cannot wait to see our son in your arms.
So for the first time, I do feel different about today. I will always shed a tear for my Mum and for Sally, but now I have a reason to be completely and utterly happy, knowing that I am now a Mum too.
Happy Mothers’ Day