After returning to work just over two weeks ago and being consumed each and every day by the most horrific guilt at leaving Luca (albeit in the most competent care) at home and spending only 2 or 3 hours a day with him, I made a decision to make a change.
I have recently learnt that there are two kinds of mothers: those who are successfully able to balance a demanding career and the demanding job of being a mum and those who are unable to handle the pressure of a high-stress job and still be the kind of mother they aspire to be. Now, there’s nothing wrong with either kind of mum at all. In fact, I (having now realized that I fall into the latter category) have the utmost respect for those mums who manage both. I am just not one of them and I think that in realizing that fact I have saved myself from a lifetime of regret and misery. I have had my fair share of lectures about what I should and shouldn’t do, what’s right and what’s wrong and I have come to this conclusion: every mother is different, with different needs and abilities and no one is in the position to judge a mother for any decision she makes when it comes to her child. A mother knows what her child (and she) needs.
I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. Today I got home and told Luca that at the end of November (when my notice period ends) we will start going to Aqua Tots, Baby Gym and more … he gave me the most gorgeous gummy smile yet and at that exact moment I knew in my heart that I had just made a really good decision.