This time last year I was counting down the last few weeks before I became a mother … I had NO idea what I was in for or, for that matter, what I wasn’t in for.
Being a mum has been the biggest achievement in my life thus far. Forget the cliché of “not knowing love until you’ve had a child” … I mean, duh! Of course you only truly realize what love is when you hold this tiny little version of you and your partner in your arms, hear him giggle for the first time or hear him cry out in pain. Of course! This feeling of constant pride, whenever I look at my boy, is just so incredibly overwhelming. I am proud of how he is growing and developing, making moves towards taking his first step and uttering his first word. Most of all though, I am proud of us! We’ve managed to raise a beautiful, healthy and VERY happy little boy! Or as Dave likes to say, “We’ve managed to keep him alive for a whole year!”
A year ago we were, for lack of a better word, selfish! We did only what made us happy. We slept late whenever we wanted to, went to movies on a whim and spent entire weekends on our own. Now, I’m not saying there aren’t moments when I do wish I had an extra 5 or 10 minutes to myself now and then, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. There are days when I have to work later than normal and when I do eventually leave and travel the 4km home, I literally can’t get home fast enough. On the days when Luca is sleeping on my return from work I wait, very impatiently, outside his bedroom door for him to wake. I will admit to opening the door when I know only too well that he is still asleep, and would still sleep for a while longer, to make a little bit of a noise in the hope that he will open his big, dark eyes and give me that heartbreaking smile … he is SUCH a morning baby 🙂 I have started to enjoy my time away from him – at the beginning, and only up until recently, I really struggled with that deep-seeded feeling of maternal guilt whenever I left Luca. It’s not like I was leaving him alone in a room. He has always been either with his Daddy or his Gogo, who both love him so, SO much. It’s taken me a long time to realize that he won’t think I am gone forever if I leave him for a couple of hours, or even a day or two. My amazing husband is taking us to Camp Jabulani in two weeks’ time … and by “us” I mean the two of us. Monkey will stay at home, with his Uncle Ivan and Aunty Nicole staying over at our house. It’s one thing for me to be leaving my little boy for TWO WHOLE NIGHTS … having him sleep somewhere brand new would be a complete disaster. Probably not, but I need to maintain my sanity too, at the end of the day 🙂
Speaking of sanity, I read a great article on Primary Maternal Preoccupation. It is the little “bubble” that lots of mums & babies are in following the birth … when the mum can think or talk about nothing but the baby, what the baby does etc. Apparently it’s almost essential to go through this phase, as tiny babies don’t know that they are a separate person from their mothers, so there needs to be a transition. I wish I’d read this article a year ago … so that I could have warned my poor husband. Do yourself a favour and buy the latest Living & Loving magazine (with Zuraida Jardine & her little baby girl on the cover) and have a read. Very interesting 🙂
All in all though, through all the ups, downs, late nights, early mornings, projectile vomiting, PROJECTILE POOHS and sprinkler wees … I’ve loved it all. Every single minute. Really. So much so, in fact, that I can’t wait to do it all again! SOON! *hint hint*
Being a mum is amazing. You should give it a try 😉