Coming up for air …

It’s no secret that the last couple of weeks have been … hard. I haven’t been sleeping well. Ever. I haven’t really felt happy, just okay. I’ve been uptight, ratty, difficult to talk to without tears flowing and more or less completely without humour.

Anyone who follows me on Twitter will know about “Beautygate”, about Mika having an awful ear infection and about Luca being dubbed “Sir Whine-a-lot”, which all-in-all has led to me being torn in twenty different directions, feeling guilty about EVERYTHING and the general vibe in our home being pretty much CRAP.

Thankfully, I believe something’s just happened to remedy that. I won’t say right now what it is, but when I do, you’ll read about it on Tanya‘s new website, Rattle & Mum. Tanya asked me to write a guest post (on a topic of my choice) for the site and quite frankly, it couldn’t have come at a better time. Watch this space! I promise I won’t keep you waiting too long :)

Too keep you happy until then, here are some pictures of Luca, Bella and Georgina from this past weekend, enjoying the summer sun and the Ioannoy’s beautiful blue pool! So proud of Luca for becoming so comfortable in the water! Pics taken with Dave’s new iPhone 4S … of which I am INSANELY jealous, if only for the phenomenal 8MP camera!

Goodbye 2011!

In the spirit of highlighting the highs and lows of 2011, here are (just some of) the moments that stood out for me in this past year:

- being super proud of Dave for starting off a VERY successful business venture in January with his American partner, Andy
- having one of my best friends by my side when I found out I was pregnant for the second time in March
- being part of the beautiful bridal party at another of my best friend’s weddings over the Easter weekend
- having my sister visit us and join me on the weekend away to St Francis for the aforementioned wedding
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- celebrating Luca’s 2nd birthday in May
- making AMAZEBALLS and REAL new friends through Twitter and blogging
- watching Luca form solid friendships too :)
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- arranging a VERY successful bloggers get together in July and meeting even more awesome people because of it
- really focusing on low-maintenance relationships with people who care about me and have a lot in common with me, and letting go of those who don’t
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- working on a website, Twitter and Facebook as MY JOB!
- for the first time, in a long time, loving my job and the people I work with
- getting a distinction for a subject I honestly believed I would fail dismally
- meeting our gorgeous second baby boy, Mika Alex, in October
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- spending the last 3 weeks with great friends and my perfect little family, in picturesque Port Alfred
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- getting an email from my sister, confirming her and Sam’s visit in January 2012

All in all it’s been one of the best years in a long time. The one thing I want more than anything for 2012 is a new home for my family…will get house hunting as soon as I’m home!

Happy new year to you all!

Hoooooolidays!

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The flight was painless.

The house is AMAZING.

The weather is outstanding.

The wine is delicious.

The baby is sleeeeeeping.

It’s all going pretty darn perfectly.

Luca is adjusting to having a little friend around 24/7. They both only went to bed at around 11 last night. Both in their parents’ beds. But Mika didn’t wake Luca. Luca did wake at 4:45 (it was sunrise AT THAT TIME) and the day got started a lot earlier than we expected it to, but it couldn’t be better.

Nap time x

A message straight from Santa Claus!

My friend Dee, who lives in Texas with her husband John and GORGEOUS son Colten, sent me the link to create a personalised video from Santa Claus/Father Christmas to Luca.

I created it this morning and played it to Luca … he was GOBSMACKED! Right from the start, when Father Christmas addressed him by his own name, till the very end when Father Christmas showed him pictures of his birthday and of his new baby brother …

I also added in a little incentive, which Father Christmas spoke to Luca about: brushing his teeth before bed at night, to which Luca solemnly nodded in agreement. I’ll rejoice that when I see it in action … *sigh* … don’t think I’ve ever experienced a child who HATES to be made to do things, as much as Luca does. Hoping it gets better with age :)

Anyway, I highly recommend you pop over and spend the 5 minutes creating a video for your child … it’s fantastic!

And in other news…

…I’m not looking forward to today.

On top of having Grumpy McFrowny-Face (Luca) down with tonsillitis and having that “drunk-with-exhaustion” feeling from 3 feeds a night, I have to go back to my gynae today.

At my post-natal check up last week we did a pap smear. I honestly don’t remember doing one 6 weeks after Luca was born, but that’s probably because I have a very selective memory when it comes to gynae visits. Anyway, we did the pap smear and I went on my merry way, thinking nothing of it.

On Thursday last week I got a call from a blocked number. Normally I don’t answer, but I did. It was Dr C. He said that they’d received the results of my pap smear and there was an abnormality. A what?! He said that there were some “atypical cells” that needed to be re-looked and that I would need to come in to do a second pap smear and a biopsy.A WHAT?! Yes, a biopsy on my cervix. I immediately started to panic and asked what this was for and Dr C assured me that I shouldn’t panic, that if it was serious that he would get me in immediately, but that this could actually wait until the new year. I tried to imagine going on holiday for 3 weeks with this weighing on my mind. Impossible.

So, booked my appointment and was to see him on 14 December, two days before we were due to go on holiday.

I panicked again and Googled “atypical cells in pap smear” and was confronted with the dreaded C word. Cancer. I had to pull over (yes, I was talking on the phone AND Googling whilst driving) at this point because I was starting to do the ugly cry and couldn’t really see the road. How could I not panic?!

In the past few days, however, I’ve heard from friends who’ve had the same kind of results. Friends who are just fine, after the “bad” cells were removed and they’re perfectly healthy. And have had [beautiful and healthy] kids since then.

So I’m trying not to panic. But I have two kids. I know that this is a common thing and that nowadays doctors err on the side of caution in order to catch these kinds of things early, in order to treat appropriately. I know that many women have had this extra pap and biopsy and that I’m probably being a huge wimp for nothing. But I’m scared. Of the procedure. Of the pain. Of a “bad” result in two or three days time. And it’s not in my nature NOT to panic and NOT to get emotional about it and NOT to share my fears. So that’s what I’m doing now. I’m sharing my fears.

The doctor’s rooms called me yesterday to let me know that there had been a cancellation and that I should come in today at 13:45. So that’s what I’ll be doing this afternoon…spare me a positive thought later today? Please?